Our God is a consuming fire

“Open your mouth wide and I will fill it” … what a funny phrase to have running through my head all day. It just popped in there and wouldn’t stop, like when you hear that ear worm song that’s on repeat all day long. So I wandered around the amusement park that day in December when all of this began, a bit bemused and filled with curiosity.

As I sit down to write, it is now a couple months later. I have a story to tell, but it is very incomplete, and I have to confess I am still a bit bemused and filled with curiosity over what God is doing. So I invite you into the middle of this story as I travel this road with Jesus.

A little context: over the last 5 years, I have walked an unreasonably complicated and beautiful adventure, experienced the heavens opening in provision in ways I could never anticipate and all the tumult that comes with it. At times I have felt a bit like Peter trying to figure out how to handle the fish overflowing his boat (Luke 5) – all filled with wonder and yet overwhelmed at the realities of all that it practically means when you feel your boat is about to sink from all the wonder.

In the last year, God has been showing me a beautifully intimate form of personal care – a friend giving me a grill when mine is wearing out, a loveseat that matches my decor perfectly right when I was looking for a new chair to replace the one I’ve had for 15 years… small details that don’t mean much in the grand scheme, but declare to this heart that God sees, and He who sees the sparrows cares about the intricate details of our lives as well.

So when God started whispering these beautiful, simple words to my heart, I started to look up in expectation and wonder at what He is promising. I found the origin of the words in Psalm 81: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it”. I read further… I opened commentaries and dove a bit deeper. And I discovered these words from Spurgeon that captured my heart:

“When the mother-bird brings food she never has to ask the little ones to open their mouths wide; her only difficulty is to fill the great width which they are quite sure to present to her: appetite and eagerness are never lacking, they are utterly insatiable…picture a nest of little birds reaching up their mouths, and all opening them as wide as they can.”

Hey Spurgeon – guess what? I have that exact picture because that is precisely what happens in my backyard every spring!

Do you see what I see when you look at this picture? The utter helplessness of those baby birds to provide for themselves? The wide open expectancy of those beaks on hearing the sound of their mother approaching? My heart leaped at this realization – this is how God is asking me to live my life! No more chasing after my own means of provision, no more carrying the constant burden of control. Just release and open my mouth, expectantly waiting for God to fill it. I read on, and my heart beats faster:

“You may easily over-expect the creature, but you cannot over-expect God, ‘Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it;’ widen and dilate the desires and expectations of your souls, and God is able to fill every chink to the vastest capacity… Our cup is small, and we blame the fountain. (Spurgeon)

I read these words and resolve: I no longer want to live in small expectation, carrying memories of disappointments and longings not satisfied. I want to widen my desires and expand my expectations of what God will do for me.

As children, we have big dreams and high expectations of life. But then the reality of bills and sicknesses and unmet expectations hit, and our hearts begin to shrivel. Cynicism sets in, we diminish our expectations because we fear disappointment, and we begin to close our mouth to God. In fact, the rest of Ps 81 speaks directly to that, and the sorrow God feels over our lack of trust.

So I set my heart to release more and trust as a child. I ask Him to help me believe – to help me see Him as a God who provides without limit. But how? How do we see beyond the loss and the pain and the drama and the material wants and the demands of others and the distractions of our tech driven world – how do we see beyond our current mud puddle to the offer of a holiday at the sea?₁ To not wonder where or how the provision will come, but only to look to the heavens with curious expectation, watching for His hand to fulfill His promise. “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it”.

Let me tell you what has happened in the last 2 months since all this took place and I set my heart to trust. It is the tale of a two cars, a dryer, a diamond, and some other stuff.

We have two cars. One is the newer “good” car, the other one we bought when I was pregnant with our first child…. it is now over 20 years old, has 265,000 miles on it, and I call it “Old Faithful” because it just never stops running. Warning lights start flashing on the “good car”, and despite attempts to get it diagnosed and fixed, we found ourselves stranded on the side of the road one night while driving our daughter home for Christmas break. Yet He says,”Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

Multiple visits to multiple garages resulting in multiple bills finally led us to a more expensive garage who would diagnose a more expensive repair … but it’s our main car and we need it, so we go ahead and stretch our finances to get it repaired. “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

On a Monday like any other, just a couple weeks ago, while driving “Old Faithful” from Walmart to Taco Bell to pick up lunch for my boys, someone turned into me and totaled good “Old Faithful”. Gratefully, I am not totaled, and as we get the newer car back from the garage, we begin to hunt for a replacement vehicle for the one that was just wrecked. “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

Then there’s the ring … and the day I look down at my hand and discover the diamond that has been there every day of our marriage these 23 years is now missing… “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

And on the day of a massive winter storm… our dryer stops working. “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

Our car shopping is turning up empty thus far… “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

And just this morning, as we drive to church, the newer car that we have dumped more money into than we would have anticipated is now flashing all the warning lights that is has been giving us for the last 2 months, and it appears we are back at square one. “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

So here I sit on this chilly Sunday afternoon, aware that my current circumstances are not matching the expectation in the promise I have been receiving from God. I asked Him to help me believe – and it seems He is doing the opposite.

Do you hear it in the air? That temptation to listen to that great lie the enemy of our souls has been whispering since the beginning of time? That voice that says, “did God really say…?”

So I have a choice to make. It’s a choice that each of us face every day of our lives.

Will I let my current circimstances define my belief in God’s promises – or will God’s promises define how I see my circumstances?

As I sit here on this chilly Sunday afternoon, I think of these words from Scripture: “For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him [Jesus]. (2 Corinthians 1:20)

And these: “Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to Him for protection” Proverbs 30:5

And “my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)

So I say it again: Will I let my current circimstances define my belief in God’s promises – or will God’s promises define how I see our circumstances?

How do you then reconcile a life that doesn’t seem to be lining up with the promises you thought you were hearing from God? It is easy to sit here, on this chilly Sunday afternoon, and resent God for promising good things while my situation continues to worsen. I mean, let’s be honest – my situation isn’t even that bad. It’s just earth stuff and inconveniences I’m grappling with. There is so much life-and-death struggle all around us: traumas and hurts and insecurities and fears pressing in. How do we cut through the fog to understand what God is really promising us?

And I think that might be the key question right there– how do we cut through the fog?

How do we understand that “Now we see through a glass dimly” (1 Corinthians 13)? Peter demonstrated this when he stepped out of the boat, eyes on Jesus, and against all odds found his feet walking on top of the waves. His feet remained steady while His eyes were on Jesus. Trust cuts through the fog. Trust hushes the challenging voice of the enemy, calms the restless heart, and releases the controlling compulsions. Trust chooses to believe what is true when the world feeds us false visions of a tainted reality.

Trust chooses what to see. My story tells of a lost diamond – but it doesn’t include the gift of an old ring that might help replace what was lost. My story tells of a broken dryer right when we needed a touch of encouragement. A week later, a hand-me-down dryer was delivered, and just this weekend we celebrated fresh laundry and clean, dry clothes! My story doesn’t include the day my husband left to get groceries and came home with 3 dozen eggs that were being given out for free by generous souls who wanted to bless others. As I crack those eggs into our French Toast this morning, I thank God for providing for us in unexpected winks from Him that tell me He sees, He cares, I am safe in His hands. Then there was a “random” gift handed to my husband as we entered church (just 30 minutes after those warning lights started flashing again) – a very specific gift given by a friend who knows my husband loves the’80’s. This friend didn’t know the discouragement that had just hit us, but he came armed with encouragement right when we needed it. There are so many lavish blessings that surround us, and we miss them because our myopia only repeats to us the stories of loss. So we rejoice, we give thanks, while we continue to live in this thin place between what is and what will be. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Trust means we know that His vision is so much clearer than ours. It means knowing that we see today and maybe part of tomorrow – He sees all eternity, and “all my days … written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16)

Trust teaches us the beauty of Paul’s words reminding us to look beyond our circumstances: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want…” (Philippians 4:12)

Trust tells me that while I am restlessly wondering how the bills will all get paid and how we will meet the needs we currently have, Jesus says, ““Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Mt 6:25-27)

Trust believes that the firmness of His promises are more sure than the mirages we see all around us. Trust tells me to “open your mouth wide, and I will fill it”.

So today, on this chilly Sunday afternoon, I choose to trust His promises. I know His timing is often different than mine, and that “His ways are not my ways” (Isaiah 55:8). And so I lay down control and that crazy, constant urge to “fix it” myself – and I let His promises speak louder to me than my fears. I will dig up the deep promises of His Word every day, and I will choose to let them define that day’s circumstances for me. I will do this with every sunrise and every sunset, for “His mercies are new every morning” and “from the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised” And when I falter, He promises to help even in that (Romans 8:26).

And that’s my story. At least all has been written on the pages of my life so far. But it is enough. Some stories are about what happens in the middle.

“Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…”

it looks a little like this:

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23)

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¹ “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (C.S. Lewis)